Dress!!!!!!

clearly the most important thing :O)

went to the national wedding show with mum and sister a few weeks ago as it seemed like it might be fun, and i'd get to see everything all in one place. it was totally awful, in the way i was expecting - expectations at every corner (so when discussing a possible venue with someone, they said "oh, of course you'll have a discussion with your florist about ow to arrange the flowers for the day".... erm, no!), perma-tanned make up people (some woman we'd seen on Snog, Marry, Avoid was there flogging honeymoon stuff and POD had not been successful :O( ), some frankly hideous dresses and general over-the-top-ness - which was all completely fine.

watched a bit of the catwalk show, which made me cry! i think it was "oh balls, i have to wear one of those things" and also "hooray, i am part of this experience" which is a mixture of emotions guaranteed to confuse anyone's emotional system. some of the dresses were nice, but it really made me realise that the majority of dresses out there just aren't for me - i don't think i'll look good in them due to my shape, nor do i actually like them.

anyhoo, actually tried on 1 dress, which wasn't as terrible as it could have been, but did give me the heebie jeebies. i think it might actually have been because it didn't quite fit me, which is never good, but also i think i looked quite short in it. i'm 5'8", so shouldn't really have looked short, but the mirror was odd blahbalhbalh. but that kind of put the kibosh on that anyway.

the tl;dr version is - it was fun, but i didn't really get anything out of it.

The actual main part of the day, which was just added on as a "seeing as you're here" was going to Candy Anthony.

fuckfuckballsbugger and arse.

i think i've found my dress. i looked GREAT in it, and i never think i look great in anything. it was so pretty and completely me.

and it costs £3k.

i have spent the last few weeks either looking on her website at pictures of the dress, or talking to myself about how i really can justify spending that much on my dress. mum, sister and bff have all baulked at the cost, and then when i've asked them again, have said go for it, which sounds suspiciously like saying what i want to hear. it is a lot of money. but it's my only big day. tbj would say i should by 15 dresses with that money and have 15 slightly smaller, yet still exciting days with that money. and he'd be right. but also more wrong than captain mcwrong. this is why i have a mountain of credit card debt. money is to be spent people!!!

i'm really going to struggle to justify this to myself. but i might also just ignore myself and do it anyway, which very frequently happens. if i don't think about it, then i can just say at the end "oh, yeah, i got a bit carried away" and blame some mystical wedding-force. which i've actually already done for the venue thing as well.

i shall have to use the force wisely. i'm having a make over today, which i'm going to use as a trial run for a wedding look, so will think things through today and come back with an answer tomorrow |(i would lay money on it being - buy the dress, you deserve it - but what don't i deserve??!!)